he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
