Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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