So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
