Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
