do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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