the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
