I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I could fuck to npr.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
