I think my fart just growled at me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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