Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
