I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My feet surprised me
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