I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she pinky promised me she was 18
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
