i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
