somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
