by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
