and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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