Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
