Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So apparently I’m into choking now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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