Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
