I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
