Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
