Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
