You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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