Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
