That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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