My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
