please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
