3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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