i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
