She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
