Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
