the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
