it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
