matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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