I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
