Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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