Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
