He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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