if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
