It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
