Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
