He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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