I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
