so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
