How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
