A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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