'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
