so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
