between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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