she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
