real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
