i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
