dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They have beer where we have blood.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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