got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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