My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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