just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
