if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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